My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
