I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
