I cut my penus on the lid.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
