you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
