I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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