I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
two words...techno handjob
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Randomize
