I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
