We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
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Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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