honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
