Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
