smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
