We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
