I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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