North Korea, Best Korea!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
