are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
