so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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