when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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