You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
