I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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