just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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