It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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