You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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