And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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