your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You ruined the universe
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