You made me cry and you don't even care
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize