Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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