It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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