And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
