i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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