If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize