no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
