You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
