I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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