The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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