its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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