Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize