if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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