i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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