I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
