What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
