plz talk dirty to me
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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