what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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