im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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