Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
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Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize