my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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