Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
