i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
