didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
