Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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