if you like me you must not know who I am
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
