It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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