Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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