Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
