O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
