I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
