There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
