Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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