Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
