Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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