omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize