Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
