Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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