He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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