Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
