I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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