Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
