That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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