Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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