YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
